


what is this feeling?

by chaerywon



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Cuddles, Fluff, M/M, he doesnt know what goes on, idk how to tag, literally just them being cute, minhyuk is a whole sunshine, predebut hyunghyuk, they're both in love but oblivious asf, whipped!hyungwon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 17:47:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17944280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerywon/pseuds/chaerywon
Summary: there was nothing wrong with having absolutely no feelings for someone, hyungwon thought.but minhyuk changes that.





	what is this feeling?

**Author's Note:**

> just some hyunghyuk fluff that i couldn't resist not writing. it's messy but enjoy it anyways!

feelings weren’t really one of hyungwon’s best ‘specialties’. 

okay maybe he does feel, like pain when you get a cut or happiness when you finally get something you’ve wanted for so long. that was probably the only two things he knew about feelings. he knew how to love; but only for his parents because there really isn’t anyone else special to him.

his friends thought it was weird. after all, they constantly showed each other how much they cared for one another. and there would always be silent hyungwon. 

there was nothing wrong with that, he thought. 

it’s not like hyungwon CHOSE not to share his feelings with his acquaintances. he just knew it was harder for him to showcase his feelings for someone; especially if that someone meant a lot to him.

deciding not to show his feelings wasn’t to ignore the fact that he did care for that someone, it was more because once he does, it’s like it doesn’t stop. he knows his emotions overflow a little too much once he finally opens up; his cheeks would flare up, his eyes shooting crescents and his nose scrunching up. the choice of not showing his emotions is just to save him from embarrassment he knows he’ll get teased for. 

but lord just had to curse or more so, bless him with the existence of a lee minhyuk. a _someone_ hyungwon came to learn is one of the most touchy, caring, carefree people he knows. he came to learn that minhyuk would do anything and everything in his will to let the people around him know how much he cares for them. 

hyungwon wouldn’t lie, he did find it annoying at first. i mean, he had never met anyone as outgoing as minhyuk before. but maybe the constant touches and small kisses minhyuk left on his cheek did make him feel tingly and warm inside. it had even became a subconscious thing minhyuk did; randomly just placing a hand on his thigh while a movie is playing or a mini cuddle session whenever minhyuk got too emotional and ended up overthinking.

hyungwon just thought it was a friendly thing to do between friends so he went along with it with absolutely no other feelings.

but of course a slight problem came in the way of all that.

hyungwon started to get too fond of them. he didn’t want to.

he thought it was probably just his teenage hormones playing tricks on him. he decided not to acknowledge it and to just shrug it off, the thought of liking his best friend becoming a nightmare to him. he didn’t know if he could get used to minhyuk’s screaming and jumping in the middle of the night.

if he had to pinpoint when it all started, it’d probably be when he was most likely eighteen.  


how it all started? 

minhyuk decided it’d be funny if he booped hyungwon’s nose only to leave a delicate kiss a couple of seconds later while tickling him on his bed. 

hyungwon remembers staring at minhyuk for what felt like an eternity with the older just smiling proudly at him as if he had just won the olympics. that action had taken hyungwon way more than just a surprise. 

“you’re so cute when you’re flustered, won.” minhyuk had said, using his left hand to squeeze hyungwon’s cheek while the latter could only stare, still not comprehending what had just happened.

“why aren’t you saying anything?” minhyuk cocks an eyebrow, scooting closer towards hyungwon on his bed. instinctively, hyungwon moves away slightly, earning a small and guilty trip frown from minhyuk. hyungwon did feel a little bad.

the older crosses his arms on his chest, a cute pout on his lips, “so you’re giving me the silent treatment now, chae? i don’t have cooties! why are you moving away from me?” 

hyungwon gulps down the lump forming in his throat.

“what was that?”

the older gives him a questioning look, lips pouting even more and hyungwon didn’t understand why his heart wouldn’t stop racing.

“what was what?” 

hyungwon gapes his jaw, mentally, at minhyuk. did he not just notice what he did? 

“that!” hyungwon exclaims, arms flying in the air. 

minhyuk looked even more confused at that point.

“what?”

hyungwon goes silent, deciding to shrug away the thought as he shook his head, minhyuk smiling seconds after.

“well, mom’s making stew tonight so come out when you’re ready!”

and with that, minhyuk took off, hopping giddly back to wherever he came from. he took off as if he didn’t just put hyungwon through a rollercoaster of emotions. he just waddled off back to the kitchen as if he didn’t just make hyungwon question his own damn sexuality. 

but hyungwon was a little more salty at the fact that all that happened just because minhyuk needed to wake him up for dinner. 

to his dismay and most definitely minhyuk’s delight, it did wake him up. he was so awake he could go for a jog, which is a hyungwon-unlikely thing to do. and for the first time, he learnt how to be slightly angry at someone; for waking him up from his beauty sleep and _not_ because it was the start of emotions he didn’t want to overcome (sense the sarcasm). 

 

 

 

 

 

that wasn’t the end of it though.

just after that, a couple days later, hyungwon got yet another wave of uncommon emotions because minhyuk decided to pull up an act. but then not like he didn’t already do that multiple times a day.

they were both lying on hyungwon’s bed, minhyuk’s head resting on hyungwon’s thigh with some weird book in his hand. hyungwon on the other hand had his phone in his hands, reading some news outlet about alligators or something. he could barely remember because he was sure he had a mini amnesia attack after what minhyuk did next.

it was silent, both boys just enjoying the peace and quiet after having hours and hours of practice back at their training room. hyungwon would’ve knocked out straight after practice if it wasn’t for minhyuk — burning his finger while trying to make tea. 

_he’s too much of a baby._

so as a way of helping minhyuk ‘ease the pain’, hyungwon suggested they cuddle to sleep although he wasn’t normally the one to suggest these sort of things. minhyuk was thrilled when he heard that, immediately teasing hyungwon for being so thoughtful all of a sudden.

_this is why i hid my feelings in the first place._

but hyungwon already had a reserved spot for only minhyuk in his heart, it was just tucked behind every other living cell in his body (because he’s too scared to admit them.)

“wonnie! come on, let’s cuddle already.” minhyuk whines, tugging on the hem of hyungwon’s shirt. 

“you’re the one that’s been reading some manga.” hyungwon retorts, swatting minhyuk’s hand away like a fly.

the older pouts, throwing his book far away across the room causing a loud thud to echo around the area. hyungwon prays that it didn’t wake anyone up considering how late it already was.

“well now i’m not.” the shorter chirps, climbing onto hyungwon’s lap and the latter starts sweating profusely as if he hadn’t sweat enough during practice. he tucks his face lower behind his phone to cover his burning face. 

“get off your phone! i need cuddles for my hurting finger.” minhyuk cusses, quickly snatching the gadget in his hands, tossing it on the other side of the bed. 

“minhyuk! that’s my hard earned phone!” hyungwon grumbles, pushing minhyuk off and crawls to retrieve his phone, caressing it with care before placing it on his bedside table.

minhyuk had already gotten up, a deeper pout on his face with his hands across his chest, hair falling down which covered his eyes slightly.

hyungwon rolls his eyes, slipping himself under his covers before looking up at minhyuk.

“i don’t have all day.” hyungwon opens his arms up, minhyuk smiling before climbing in and wrapping his arms around hyungwon’s torso.

minhyuk snuggles his head deep into hyungwon’s chest, inhaling in before breathing out loudly, causing hyungwon to chuckle.

“i’m so tired, wonnie. i wonder if we’ll ever even get accepted.” minhyuk mumbles, hyungwon’s chest tightening because the older is being too cute.

hyungwon places his hands on minhyuk’s warm back, rubbing circles on them.

“don’t give up, minhyuk. we didn’t move all the way to seoul together just for you to demolish your dreams like that.” 

the other whines, staying silent for a while before looking up at hyungwon, his eyes half lidded. hyungwon hoped to the lords that minhyuk couldn’t hear his beating heart.

“thanks for being with me, hyungwon.” minhyuk leans up, pecking hyungwon’s cheek before going back to drilling a hole in his chest with his big head. 

the younger freezes, he was still recovering from the incident a few days ago and minhyuk pulls a stunt like that. he sucks in a breathe, trying to calm his unsettling nerves when he hears the small snores coming from the other. it manages to put a smile on his face. 

“goodnight, minhyuk.” he whispers, his own eyes shutting.

 

 

 

 

 

minhyuk gave hyungwon too much stress, stress he didn’t need. 

hyungwon didn’t think it was the bad type of stress. it was probably in between. because at this point, he didn’t even know how he felt for his best friend anymore. not when he sees him doing the same things he does to hyungwon but this time, with some random guy they’re going to compete with on a survival show both he and minhyuk managed to get into.

hyungwon wasn’t jealous, he didn’t know how jealous felt like. he just knew there was fire burning inside him, a big urge to just kick the guy in the stomach and to snatch minhyuk for himself. he wasn’t sure if that was how jealousy was supposed to feel like. but if it was, he didn’t wanna feel it again, especially not with minhyuk.

hyungwon remembers watching the annoyingly cute boy with dimples on his cheeks, hit minhyuk on the chest after something he said. they had been talking for what felt like a lifetime to hyungwon, and he was starting to get annoyed. 

they were supposed to be on this survival show together but the minute they both got accepted and minhyuk throwing his mini party; giving hyungwon a big hug and not releasing even after 30 minutes. oh, and not to forget the big flying kiss he sends hyungwon’s way, only to leave him and go right over to dimple boy instead.

hyungwon does try shrugging it off but the loud familiar laughs coming from minhyuk didn’t really help. so he gets up, walking right over to a random stranger; a guy that has a really nice , built back. he plops himself down next to the man, the stranger looking at him before shooting an awkward smile.

“oh, hello. i’m hyunwoo.” he greets and hyungwon wants to ignore him but his mom didn’t bring him up to be rude so he smiles at hyunwoo instead.

“hyungwon.” he says as a short reply before going back to shooting daggers at dimple boy.

the other taps his feet on the ground, “excited or nervous for this show?” he asks.

hyungwon just shrugs because he feels neither.

“both i guess.” 

hyunwoo nods, following hyungwon’s gaze.

“ahh, i see you’re staring at lover boy.” hyungwon whips his head at him, arching his eyebrow — the uncommon nickname making him feel somewhat worse.

“what do you mean, lover boy?” 

hyunwoo shrugs, “i don’t know. i just heard many people find that boy with the sun face charming.” 

hyungwon manages to keep in a scream, just nodding in return. he shouldn’t feel this odd feeling for his best friend. he knows it’s wrong, but it doesn’t stop anything. so he just turns and looks away, not sparing a second glance at minhyuk.

_the boy with the sun face._

and that mayhaps had been the first time hyungwon felt jealous. 

 

 

 

 

 

“wonnie.. i don’t feel good.” 

hyungwon remembers ignoring it. he wasn’t in the mood to deal with minhyuk at that moment, tired from a whole day of practicing for their next task on the show. instead, he just digs his head deeper into his pillow, hoping minhyuk would walk away.

but he was so wrong if he even had a single thought in mind that minhyuk would ever leave him alone.

“hyungwon, i know you’re awake.” minhyuk whimpers and hyungwon can hear the door close before there’s loud shifting, his bed tipping lower.

hyungwon groans, hoping minhyuk would take the hint that he wanted to be alone.

“get out, minhyuk. i wanna sleep.” hyungwon murmurs.

not even seconds later, he feels two hands wrapping itself around his waist. hyungwon would push him away, tell him to get out but this is minhyuk. he knows it himself, he’s too soft for the brunette. so he shuts up, enjoying the warm presence instead. 

“i don’t feel good.” 

hyungwon nods, humming, “i know.”

he feels the older nuzzle his head in his back. hyungwon knows he’s probably pouting like a lost puppy but he doesn’t bother checking. 

“hyungwon..”

“yes?”

“i feel bad.”

“yes, i know. you’ve told me.”

“well, won’t you do anything?”

“what do you want me to do, minhyuk?”

the other stays silent, and hyungwon is so close to falling asleep but jolts awake when he hears the soft sobbing coming from behind him. 

“min?” he calls out in a soft voice. 

minhyuk sniffs, a soft whimper escaping his lips and hyungwon wonders if all this is fake just so he could get hyungwon to turn around. and being stupid, he doesn’t turn because he knows minhyuk would try doing something like that.

“hyungwon..” minhyuk’s voice is broken which causes hyungwon to rethink his decision.

“minhyuk.”

“i’m scared.”

hyungwon inhales, followed with a loud sigh.

“of what?” 

minhyuk nuzzles his head deeper in hyungwon’s back, his arms getting tighter around his waist. hyungwon feels like he’s about to puke from how tight his hold is but he shakes it away.

“that i’m not good enough.” 

hyungwon’s chest grows tighter, his teeth nibbling on his bottom lip. he didn’t know what to do, he wasn’t used to situations like this. normally minhyuk would just get cuddles from hyungwon whenever he felt down and it would solve his problems right away. but this time, he’s crying and hyungwon doesn’t know how to react.

“minhyuk, what do you mean?”

hyungwon feels a tug on his heart when he feels his shirt get damp and a soft yet audible whine is heard from the latter. 

“i don’t think i’ll be able to debut with you, hyungwon.”

hyungwon freezes, his heart thumping harder and he doesn’t know how to stop it. should he take some pills?

he turns around, finally facing the older and he’s devastated when he sees the state he’s in. although his room was awfully dark at that time, he could still make out the sad eyes minhyuk had on, the glistening tears in his eyes illuminated by the light from the moon coming from his window. and maybe because minhyuk radiated the sun and stars combined that hyungwon was able to make him out in the dark.

“minhyuk, what are you thinking?”

the older’s lips quiver, tears spilling even more.

“i don’t think i’m good enough. everyone else on the show are so good, won. and so are you! all of you are so talented and i don’t know if i can do it anymore. i’m not good enough.” he sobs again, voice cracking in the end. hyungwon brings up all his courage he’s been saving for the past 20 years of his life, hand reaching up to caress minhyuk’s face, his thumb wiping the tears.

“you’re talented, minhyuk. what makes you think you’re lower than everyone else?”

minhyuk shrugs, “because.. i don’t know. i’ve ranked lower than everyone else on the show and i just.. i don’t think i can make it past the next round.” he moves his hand to his face, rubbing his eyes before resting it back on hyungwon’s waist. “tomorrow’s the next showing and i think i’ll fail.”

hyungwon runs his fingers through the older’s hair.

“minhyuk, don’t say that. you know you’re beautiful right? you do know that your voice while singing makes everyone in the room gape their jaw in awe, right? and not to mention your visuals and dancing. stop bringing yourself down.”

hyungwon is surprised, did he really just say all of that? it took every fibre in his body to be able to even say something so remarkable, especially to minhyuk who is the softest and most fragile person he knows.

minhyuk smiles in the dark, chuckling. 

“you’re so cute, hyungwon. but you should take a look at yourself, you’re absolutely stunning. i can’t beat you.” 

hyungwon chuckles back, shaking his head and he sees minhyuk shut his eyes.

“thanks, wonnie. i’m tired now, let’s sleep.” minhyuk mumbles, the small smile still on his lips and hyungwon catches himself staring at it. he would love to feel it but he’s too scared of waking minhyuk up. 

he smiles when he sees minhyuk’s chest heave, a sign that he’s fast asleep. hyungwon frowns a little when he notices the tear stained cheeks. 

why would such a happy person cry?

“if only you could see yourself through my eyes.” hyungwon mumbles, playing with minhyuk’s fringe. he did end up sleeping but he couldn’t remember what time because the next morning, minhyuk is up and cheery, wishing hyungwon the best of luck.

 

 

 

 

 

it shouldn’t even be a surprise that minhyuk did manage to debut with hyungwon. because right after minhyuk’s breakdown, he began working with his performances even more, thanking hyungwon although he didn’t do much. minhyuk told him to just take it as his token of appreciation. 

hyungwon was happy too. throughout the whole show, he picked up a few new feelings along the way. like how nervous it actually is to perform on stage or whenever minhyuk got too close to his face. he learnt that the meaning of being scared is when the judges are picking who they’re kicking out and somehow, minhyuk’s placing was always the most important to hyungwon. 

he also finally learnt that indeed, he did have feelings for minhyuk. they weren’t that strong yet but he knows he likes minhyuk way more than just a best friend.

minhyuk had congratulated hyungwon by baking him a cake, or more so, a burnt cake. he did apologize, saying he isn’t such a good cook nor a baker. hyungwon laughed, eating it anyways because he didn’t want to disappoint the older. he learnt that making minhyuk sad is one of the most painful things he could do to himself and the older, so he always had a mental reminder to never put a frown on minhyuk’s face.

hyungwon remembers the day they all moved into the same dorm; him and his new members. he was of course, very excited by the thought that maybe he could finally have the same room as minhyuk. although most nights back in minhyuk’s home, the older would sneak himself into his room anyways.

jooheon, dimple boy, ended up being minhyuk’s roommate. he remembers the solid smile on minhyuk’s face when he found out, hugging jooheon like there’s no tomorrow and then leaving a small kiss on his cheek playfully. it was then when hyungwon finally wonders if their feelings are even mutual or it’s just his own.

he wonders if minhyuk does that to everyone else and hyungwon is just one of them. maybe minhyuk really did spend nights in the other member’s rooms, cuddling them. it does annoy hyungwon, a tug pulling on his heart every time he’s reminded of it but he doesn’t show it, admiring minhyuk from afar instead.

jooheon also ended up being one of hyungwon’s best friends and he learnt that dimple boy really is that special. he had an aura around him that attracted people to like him and hyungwon couldn’t resist it, clicking almost immediately with him. it did make it easier for himself whenever minhyuk and jooheon got a little too close to hyungwon’s liking but it didn’t mean it didn’t annoy him. it just made it harder to hate jooheon but hyungwon knew he could never. 

hyungwon remembers the first time he could hear his heart break and that was when minhyuk told everyone in the room that jooheon is his favourite person. all of them had decided to play truth or dare one night and hyungwon ended up joining. when it came to minhyuk’s turn, kihyun asked.

“who in this room is your favourite?” 

hyungwon wouldn’t lie, he had hoped minhyuk would say it’s him but he wasn’t even that surprised when the name jooheon rolled off his lips. he didn’t even stutter saying it, the sentence coming out so naturally with a smile on his face and jooheon mirroring it. the boys joked around that they should just date already and hyungwon laughed along with it. 

he remembers that night, he ignored whatever minhyuk had to say after the game. minhyuk had asked hyungwon if they could cuddle that night and he said no, telling minhyuk to go cuddle jooheon instead. thinking about it now, hyungwon feels immature. he should’ve just told minhyuk he was too tired instead of creating a frown on minhyuk’s _pretty face._

but he was too hurt.

“but i wanna cuddle you.” minhyuk said, the notorious pout on his lips.

“and i wanna sleep.” 

minhyuk cocks his eyebrows at hyungwon, “what’s up with you?”

hyungwon shakes his head, pushing minhyuk’s hand away when he tried reaching out for him. 

“i’m just— drained, alright? i’ll see you tomorrow morning.” hyungwon mutters, walking towards the door to his room but minhyuk grips his wrists, stopping him.

“hyungwon, talk to me, are you okay?” he pulls at his wrist, hyungwon turning around. minhyuk’s eyes flashed worry and concern but hyungwon refuses to acknowledge it.

“i just said i’m tired, min. please just let me sleep.” hyungwon hopes he didn’t sound too sad, maybe it’d give away the fact that he has a big fat crush on his best friend. 

minhyuk frowns and pulls hyungwon closer as he studies his features and expressions as if trying to find out why hyungwon is so upset. he cups hyungwon’s face, bringing his face closer to his and the younger freezes, gulping because his heart’s racing again.

“m-minhyuk,” he stutters and minhyuk just narrows his eyes at him.

“chae hyungwon, you better tell me why you’re so sad right now or you’re never getting any kisses from me anymore.” minhyuk glares at him in a joking matter but hyungwon is too tired and his heart hurt. 

“i think i can live with that.” 

he regretted ever saying that because the look on minhyuk’s face almost breaks him into crumbs but his feelings were going against him, pouring out too much. he knew that it would happen one day. 

minhyuk’s eyes sadden, pulling his hands away from his face, “hyungwon, what are you saying?”

the taller rolls his eyes, taking a step back, “i’m saying i don’t need your kisses or cuddles. i’m sure you do that to the other members too right? i’m not that special.” he inhales and walks to his door. 

“you’re too touchy and you’re too clingy. let’s just talk tomorrow. goodnight.” and with that, he leaves minhyuk who turned into a sobbing mess, the older blaming himself for hurting his best friend and he wonders what he did wrong. 

and for the first time, hyungwon cries. he cries himself to sleep and he couldn’t understand what his heart was feeling anymore because when he wakes up, he feels numb like how he was years before meeting minhyuk. 

_i should’ve never opened up._

 

 

 

 

 

thinking about it now, hyungwon wonders why was he so childish and why did he ever put himself and minhyuk in that situation. it was a stupid game, he should’ve never actually put real feelings into it. he does regret it but if it wasn’t for what happened that night, minhyuk and hyungwon wouldn’t be what they are today.

after that gruesome night, they don’t talk for days. even the members began to worry. they had asked if everything was okay and hyungwon would just shrug whereas minhyuk would shoot them a fake smile, saying everything’s alright. but hyungwon knew it was a lie because whenever he looked into minhyuk’s eyes, it was like the light in there’s gone.

and it was because minhyuk kept pushing himself down, trying to think how he hurt hyungwon. 

it had been a week, a whole week without minhyuk and hyungwon felt drained more than he normally was. he missed the touches and the kisses. he wanted nothing more but to have minhyuk walk through that door and nuzzle his head in his back. hyungwon doubts that would happen, not after what he said to him.

it’s when he gets out of the bathroom and sees minhyuk standing right in front of him with a poker face that he finally wants to pull him into a hug.

“get ready. we’re going out.”

“all of us?”

“no, just the both of us.” minhyuk replies, turning his heels and walking away. hyungwon’s chest is tight again and suddenly he feels the feelings return, the ones that make hyungwon giddy. 

all because minhyuk had finally talked to him.

hyungwon does get ready, faster than normal and something hits his nerves, suddenly feeling uneasy when they start putting their shoes on. if the members are staring, hyungwon doesn’t care because all his focus is on the boy with the same hair shade as him.

they walk out, hyungwon nervously fiddling with his fingers, hands in his pockets. minhyuk on the other hand, looked emotionless. he looked like he hadn’t slept in days and hyungwon feels a wave of regret hit him. 

“where are we going?” hyungwon asks and minhyuk doesn’t look at him.

“somewhere.”

and when they reach the certain ‘somewhere’, hyungwon just wants to pull minhyuk into his embrace and kiss the top of his head but he knows he’d regret it.

they were standing in front of hyungwon’s favourite shrimp restaurant. 

walking in, minhyuk shoots the familiar owner a bright smile as they sit themselves down, both of them ordering straight away. they’ve basically memorised the whole menu from the countless times they’ve been there.

“why did you bring me here?” hyungwon asks, nervously picking up his chopsticks.

“because you’re special to me.” minhyuk replies, eyes never returning hyungwon’s gaze as he digs into his food. hyungwon respects it, dumping down his own food.

after the meal, minhyuk doesn’t take the normal route home because he decides to bring them on a stroll at the park.

it’s quiet, irritatingly quiet and hyungwon didn’t like it. because whenever minhyuk’s around, there’s supposed to be a hella lot of noise and he had grown too used to it.

“minhyuk, i’m sorry.” hyungwon chokes up, kicking the rocks by his feet. minhyuk doesn’t respond, just looking out to the distance.

“did i hurt you, hyungwon?” he asks, finally looking at hyungwon and minhyuk looks so broken. hyungwon had no one else to blame but himself.

“no, minhyuk. you can never hurt me.” he replies, and he realises they’ve both stopped walking.

“then why did you say all those mean things? i know you, hyungwon. you’d never say anything like that. so what’s on your mind?” minhyuk asks in a soft voice, and it makes hyungwon’s heart flutter from how much minhyuk knows about him. 

“i just.. i don’t know, minhyuk. i was emotional that night.” hyungwon says, looking down at the ground. he knows he needed to talk about this with minhyuk but a part of him didn’t want to although he understands there’s no other way to fix this. but hyungwon was totally not up on telling minhyuk how much he loves him. 

minhyuk shockingly, smiles at hyungwon. he reaches for hyungwon’s hand and this time he doesn’t move away. finally feeling the nice warmth minhyuk provided on his hands, his heart feels more at ease. 

“hyungwon, do you know why i brought you to the restaurant today?” minhyuk asks, rubbing his thumb on the skin of hyungwon’s hand. 

he shakes his head and minhyuk chuckles lightly. 

“you’re so silly.” he jokes, pulling hyungwon until his face hits his chest. he snuggles his head, finding the perfect spot and it’s directly by hyungwon’s heart. he wants the world to eat him up right there and then because he’s scared minhyuk would hear the loud beating. 

“happy birthday, wonnie.” minhyuk wishes in a small voice, slightly muffled from hyungwon’s jacket. 

hyungwon stands in shock, today’s his birthday?

how did he not kn--

“because you stayed in your room all day sulking. that’s why.” minhyuk replies as if he could read hyungwon’s thoughts.

the younger mutters an _oh._

and he smiles, widely and wraps his hands around minhyuk’s small frame as well. 

“thank you, min.” 

that night, he learnt how to feel grateful. how grateful he is to have minhyuk’s presence in his life. and that night he vowed to himself to never let a frown ever be seen on minhyuk’s face again.

 

 

 

 

 

if there was a penny for how many times hyungwon wanted to finally declare his love for minhyuk, he’d be rich. but no, he knew it himself that he was too much of a wuss to ever face the embarrassment. he did try, endless times. like when minhyuk held his hand at an amusement park they went to because he was too scared. hyungwon was ready to tell him, in front of the starry night sky but he missed his chance after the members came running their way.

or like that one time they were filming their beautiful music video and minhyuk looked so, _so_ ethereal with glitter that complimented the glow minhyuk had around him, all over his shoulder and face. and when minhyuk came into his set cheekily, making fun of him for being good looking. 

but hyungwon also knew how he’s so inexperienced in this ‘feelings’ field. he never properly prepared himself on how to tell minhyuk how much he cared for him. he had tried writing a paragraph and then memorising it so he doesn’t stutter when the real confessing came, but that didn’t do any good; hyungwon holding his pen in his hands with no words coming across his mind at all. 

but then the right time came. 

hyungwon remembers minhyuk slipping into his room one night, a big, toothy smile on his face. he climbs up, peeping his head at hyungwon asking him to move aside. hyungwon remembers noticing the reddish eyes.

“are you alright, min?” hyungwon asks, shifting in his bed to create some space for the older. although his bunk was a little too small for two fully grown men, they made it work— strangely.

minhyuk chuckles, nodding before sliding next to hyungwon, resting his head next to his.

“of course i’m okay. just overwhelmed that’s all.” he places a hand on hyungwon’s chest.

hyungwon nods, facing the older. 

“you’ve done well, minhyuk,” he gulps, “just wanted to let you know that.”

the older stays silent, eyes sparkling at hyungwon and tears begin forming at the corner of his eyes.

“you’re making me emotional again. god damn it, hyungwon.” minhyuk laughs, wiping his eyes and hyungwon giggles at that.

minhyuk responds by hitting hyungwon on the chest, “it’s not funny.” 

the younger nods, “alright, alright.”

they’re silent again and minhyuk shuts his eyes.

“you’ve done well too, hyungwon.” he mutters, snuggling closer to him causing the hair on the top of his head tickles hyungwon’s chin.

hyungwon has a small smile on his face, patting minhyuk’s head with his free hand.

“now you’re making me emotional.” 

minhyuk opens his eyes, taking a second to process everything before they widen like the size of a baseball.

“chae hyungwon. CHAE HYUNGWON is emotional?” he asks, a gasp coming after and hyungwon rolls his eyes, shifting away.

“stop teasing me.” hyungwon murmurs under his breath but minhyuk still hears it. he pulls his arms away from minhyuk’s waist and the older pouts at that. 

“why not? what will you do, hmm?” minhyuk asks, emphasising the hmm with a smirk on his face. hyungwon felt challenged.

“i’ll tickle you.” 

minhyuk scoffs, “yeah right.” he sticks his tongue out at hyungwon. “the chae hyungwon i know would never do that.”

hyungwon shoots him a smug look in return, arms slowly snaking its way back to both sides of minhyuk’s waists. he gets up, minhyuk under him and holds him down with all his weight and he knows the older wouldn’t be able to do anything. hyungwon knows he’s skinny but he also knows he’s still stronger than the older. 

“oh really?” 

minhyuk looks surprised with a blush slowly forming on his cheeks but he doesn’t resist it. hyungwon sneers at him as he begins to move his fingers, minhyuk squirming under him. 

“okay, i take it back. stop!” minhyuk giggles, attempting to push hyungwon away but he doesn’t move. instead, he tickles the older even more.

“hyungwon!” minhyuk exclaims, hands reaching out for help and his breathing quickening. the younger laughs, finally deciding to pull away before minhyuk dies from the shortage of air. he couldn’t kill minhyuk.

minhyuk takes a hard deep breath, hitting hyungwon on the shoulder.

“you almost killed me!” hyungwon could only laugh, hands still on his waist. 

they stare at each other, minhyuk’s face flushed with a light pink shade and it makes it harder for hyungwon not to lean in, to capture minhyuk’s lips in his. maybe he’ll finally be able to taste them after all these years.

“hyungwon?” minhyuk mutters, and hyungwon hums.

“congratulations.” he whispers in a small voice.

“for what?”

“for our first win.” 

hyungwon has a vivid smile on his face, seeing minhyuk’s eyes glisten with tears but his mouth the total opposite, with a big grin. 

“congratulations to you too.” he replies.

hyungwon solely remembers minhyuk’s face reddening, hands finding its way to his hair and it takes every fibre in his body to stop himself from doing something he’d regret. 

“i think we should--” hyungwon pulls away but minhyuk stops him, hands gripping his arms.

“wait.” he pulls hyungwon back.

he shoots him a questioning look and sees minhyuk shifting his gaze somewhere lower from his eyes.

the younger watches as minhyuk bites his lip and it drives him crazy, eyes following every movement of that small muscle. he was slightly annoyed too, thinking minhyuk was doing this on purpose. 

but the mixed chemicals in the air from their intimate communication made their bodies react in a way they didn’t know would.

he stares at minhyuk’s pink, soft lips and he starts to feel dazed. 

“can i kiss you.” 

hyungwon didn’t even realise those words left his lips until he sees the stunned look on minhyuk’s face. his eyes widen, clearing his throat. 

“shit.. f-forget i said that. god, i never meant to say that, i’m so—”

“do it.”

“—sorry. it was just a joke. or maybe it wasn’t. god, i don’t know, min. you— wait, what?” hyungwon looks at minhyuk with big eyes and the older laughs at the reaction, eyes softening. 

hyungwon hopes he didn’t hear it wrong, hopes this isn’t minhyuk joking with him again. because his heart is beating so fast and he knows it could end up shattering. 

the older has a small smile on the corner of his lips, hands moving to caress the other’s face, “i said do it.” 

hyungwon blinks, and then blinks again. he wasn’t sure if all of this was real.

“minhyuk, please don’t joke with me. this.. this isn’t something to joke about.”

the older squeezes his cheek lightly and somehow hyungwon’s heart relaxes. 

“i’m not joking, won. kiss me.” 

his hands stay firm on minhyuk’s waist, tightening his grip before lowering himself until their breathes are practically on each other’s face.

“are you su—”

“hyungwon stop talking.”

“but—”

“hyung—”

“you might regret—”

minhyuk rolls his eyes, huffing out a sigh and his hands swiftly reach behind hyungwon’s nape, pulling him down. 

their lips touch. (finally)

hyungwon’s eyes widen bigger but minhyuk’s flutter shut immediately. the younger freezes, feeling his head spinning in circles and he didn’t know if it was because this situation surprised him or because minhyuk’s lips are on his.

minhyuk seems to notice the way hyungwon stiffs under his touch so he runs his fingers along his nape to relax him. hyungwon exhales the breath he’s been holding subconsciously and shuts his eyes, melting against minhyuk’s soft lips. 

he always thought the older had a pretty set of lips, so smooth and the pinkish colour they bear. but he didn’t know it would be better than that. the taste of minhyuk’s lips had a tinge of instant noodles; probably what he ate before entering his room. 

but behind all that, hyungwon tasted sweetness, so sweet that he catches himself deepening the kiss to chase more of it. chase more of that intoxicating flavour he hopes would never run out. 

and maybe cheesy if he said it back then, but he knows he saw fireworks exploding in his head.

and that was the first time hyungwon felt content. the first time his heart felt so warm he thought he’d catch on fire. and maybe that was the beginning of him breaking down his tough wall of hiding his feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

“hyungwon.” 

“yes?”

“let’s go out.”

“but it’s 3 in the morning.”

“so?”

hyungwon looks at minhyuk with a dead stare. 

“but i want to sleep.”

minhyuk responds by running his fingers through hyungwon’s hair, massaging his scalp. it sends the younger into a more sleepy state and minhyuk watches as his boyfriend’s eyelids slowly fall close. 

“don’t fall asleep on me, _baby_.” minhyuk purrs and it slaps hyungwon awake, eyes opening wide at the pet name. it still did unexplainable things to his heart whenever minhyuk called him things like that.

hyungwon leans into minhyuk’s touch, smacking his lips, “but i don’t want to get up.” 

the older laughs, placing a soft kiss on his cheeks.

“you’ll have to anyways. kihyun wouldn’t allow us to sleep on the sofa.”

hyungwon grunts, “not if we treat him with chicken.” 

minhyuk laughs at the comeback, “bribery huh, chae? who are you and what did you do to my boyfriend.”

the taller chuckles, getting up with minhyuk on his lap. he sighs, looking at the pout minhyuk has on his lips and the pleading eyes he shoots at him.

he shakes his head defeatedly, “alright, we can go out.”

minhyuk grins and hyungwon thinks he’s finally seen an angel in his life. the older grabs his hands, leading the both of them out the door.

 

 

it’s cold outside but minhyuk seems to have no problem with it, running around like a child with the brightest smile on his face. it makes hyungwon’s stomach turn in a good way.

“stop running, min. you’ll fall down.” hyungwon warns, telling him to come back. minhyuk sulks but obliges anyway, waddling his way back to hyungwon’s side. 

“my chae hyungwon is caring for me, how adorable.” minhyuk jokes around, causing hyungwon to grunt. 

“lay off the teasing, jesus.” hyungwon retorts and minhyuk laughs at that.

“i just find it cute, what’s so wrong with it? unless you don’t actually care for me.” minhyuk says and then gasps loudly, slapping a hand onto his chest. 

hyungwon shakes his head, facing to his left so he doesn’t have to see the cheeky smirk he knows is plastered on minhyuk’s face.

“of course i care for you. i—” hyungwon pauses, coughing, “never mind.”

minhyuk hums at that, going silent after.

they walk side by side to wherever their feet bring them. they didn’t even plan on where they were going to go. 

it’s after a while when minhyuk gets startled after hearing the sedative chuckle come out of hyungwon. the younger shakes his head at the thought that had suddenly popped into his head. 

minhyuk smiles unknowingly, looking over at the younger.

“what are you thinking about, gorgeous?” 

hyungwon turns to look at minhyuk. 

“just thinking about when we first got on the survival show.”

minhyuk nods, waiting for hyungwon to continue.

“i was so jealous back then.” 

minhyuk cocks an eyebrow at him, now very interested on what his boyfriend has to say. and _not_ because he wants to tease him after this.

“oh? jealous? of what?” he asks and hyungwon purses his lips.

he didn’t feel like telling minhyuk, scared that he’d tease him with this for the rest of his existence. but then again, what is there to lose? being with minhyuk was a big step in his life, breaking down half of his wall. this small tease wouldn’t hurt.

he clears his throat, looking away to hide the blush he feels rising up to his cheeks. “of jooheon.” hyungwon mumbles out.

minhyuk frowns, eyebrows furrowing, “jooheon? why him?” he asks, curiosity in his tone. 

hyungwon shrugs, “because you were so close to him. i thought you liked him more than me.” 

minhyuk stops walking, going silent while giving hyungwon a confused look. but it ends short because he bursts out with the loudest laugh hyungwon has ever heard come out of his petite body.

hyungwon frowns, feeling suddenly so small while minhyuk’s pointing at him with silent laughs because apparently it’s really funny to him.

“jooheon? wha—” minhyuk breathes out, wiping a tear from his eye.

hyungwon doesn’t return the eye contact so he looks down at his feet instead.

minhyuk manages to calm down, stepping closer to hyungwon.

“of course i love jooheon.” causing the younger to look up at him with sad eyes.

he knew it, minhyuk always liked jooheo--

“but,” the older places a hand on his cheek, “i can never love him as much as i love you.” 

hyungwon pauses, turning flustered after realising the words minhyuk had just said. of course minhyuk has said he loves him before, he always did. but it was easier for him considering he loves everyone. 

it was harder for hyungwon.

“i—” 

minhyuk seems to get it, shaking his head with a smile. 

“it’s okay. i can wait.”

hyungwon nods, feeling remarkably thankful that the older understood him. he’s thankful for the way minhyuk doesn’t force him into anything he’s uncomfortable with or how he knows whenever he starts to feel uneasy. 

“but, i have a question.” minhyuk says and hyungwon hums in response.

minhyuk bites his lip, “were you mad at me that one night because of jooheon?” 

hyungwon gulps, remembering that horrid and immature night. why did minhyuk have to ask this out of all things? he already knows he’s going to have to live with it for the rest of his life, and it’ll definitely be harder with minhyuk constantly taunting him about it. 

he nods, not wanting to say anything. minhyuk coos, hands finding its way to hyungwon’s raven locks, combing his way through them.

“you’re so unbelievably cute, won.” minhyuk compliments and hyungwon sighs.

he steps back, turning to his front to spare himself from the extra teasing he knows minhyuk would throw at him. he hears minhyuk snicker in amusement before they start walking again. 

“when did you start liking me, won?” it throws hyungwon completely off guard, the question being too sudden. minhyuk is too random, hyungwon thought. but that was what made him more cuter than he already was. 

“i— i don’t know. i guess i just gradually started liking you because of all those things you did to me.” 

minhyuk hums with interest, his lips turning into a cheeky pout, “what _things_?”

hyungwon chuckles, “don’t act like you don’t know.”

the older clicks his tongue, obviously enjoying this a lot.

“but i really don’t.”

hyungwon grunts, knowing he’d give in into minhyuk in the end. so why fight it? 

“you know, when you give me kisses or hugs.” he replies and minhyuk opens his mouth to say something but hyungwon cuts him short.

“but then you confuse me because you do that to other people to.” 

minhyuk pauses, shakes his head before giving hyungwon a baffled look.

“you do know i only do those to you, right?” 

hyungwon goes silent and then hisses, disagreeing with him.

“that’s a lie. you’ve kissed jooheon’s cheek before.”

minhyuk giggles, “because jooheon is extra special to me too.” 

hyungwon has a pained expression on his face, a pout on his lips and minhyuk snorts.

“i’m just joking. i only did that to him out of shock. the ones i give you are ones i genuinely mean, wonnie.” 

hyungwon nods, feeling his stomach take another turn. 

minhyuk scoots closer, his arms linking with his and it makes his heart jump, legs feeling like it could give way soon. 

minhyuk giggles with a soft voice, “plus, it was only one time. at least now i know you’re the jealous type.” 

hyungwon hated the teasing, whining in annoyance. minhyuk finds comfort in that, cuddling himself deeper on hyungwon’s arm. 

and then they fall silent again, only the sound of their footsteps on the gravel. it makes hyungwon wonder how long they’ve been out but pushes the thought away when he sees they’re at the familiar park they came to when minhyuk brought him out for his birthday.

they could deal with the managers tomorrow.

hyungwon smiles, watching minhyuk detach himself from his arm, skipping giddly towards the park and calls hyungwon over.

minhyuk claps his hands, looking up at the sky and hyungwon sees something shimmer in them. he didn’t know he could fall in love with minhyuk even more than he already did.

“minhyuk.” 

the older looks at him, a small smile tugging on his lips. 

“yes?”

“when did you start liking me?”

minhyuk purses his lips in thought. 

“hmm..” and they fall silent again for what felt like a lifetime. hyungwon understood that this is minhyuk teasing all over again.

“nevermind, forge—”

“i think when i booped your nose and you looked so flustered. i thought you were too cute back then and i still do now.” 

it makes hyungwon smiles at the memory. young hyungwon and young minhyuk back in the older’s parents house. back when they were just trainees, chasing their dreams. 

“that was so long ago.” 

minhyuk responds with a nod, pinching hyungwon’s cheeks like he did back then.

“still soft.” 

the younger laughs, swatting his hand away before turning to continue on their stroll.

minhyuk catches up, lifting his hand to his mouth before blowing warm air on them. 

“cold?” hyungwon asks and minhyuk shakes his head.

“no, it’s fine. i mean, yeah, my fingers are falling off but it’s alright.” 

hyungwon stares at minhyuk up and down, seeing the older shudder when another blow of icy wind blows at them. minhyuk just laughs, his face glinting yet another hint of cheekiness.

“if only the love of my life would finally hold my hand.” he then sighs, a very provoking sigh. 

hyungwon reaches for minhyuk’s hand, threading his slender fingers with the latter’s. it takes minhyuk by surprise, his eyes widening and a startled expression on his face. 

it would be a lie if hyungwon said he didn’t feel like he was going to pass out at that moment. that one action made his heart race too much he thought he’d go into cardiac arrest. 

“there.” he manages to croak out, and hopes he sounded decent. “better?”

minhyuk blushes, looking away.

“i was just joking.” he replies in a very soft voice and hyungwon feels a small smile grow on his face because this is the first time he’s seen minhyuk flustered. he shrugs in return. 

“but i’m not.” 

minhyuk chortles, shaking his head, “you never fail to surprise me, hyungwon.”

he pulls minhyuk closer, their shoulders brushing against each other with every step they take and it makes both their heart’s flutter.

“i should say the same about you.”

they continue their walk with a nice, soothing atmosphere. it’s quiet and hyungwon adores it, loving how nice it is to finally be able to spend short outings like this with minhyuk. something he’s been wanting for so long. they stop under a big tree, and hyungwon instantly pulls minhyuk closer to him and it makes them face each other.

hyungwon reaches his free hand out, fingers moving to push away the hair covering minhyuk’s eyes. 

this was unusual, being so open with his love for minhyuk and it does scare him. what if he opened up too much? what if he gets hurt? 

but he knows it wouldn’t kill him to try. not when minhyuk is the most special person to him.

he takes a step closer and he could practically feel minhyuk’s breath pan his face.

“minhyuk.” 

minhyuk nods, eyes so soft and his expression so clueless it makes hyungwon’s chest tighten. 

he takes a deep breath.

“i love you too.”

hyungwon didn’t feel scared anymore. why waste his time bottling his feelings up when he could pour it all on the one person he cares for most in the world? 

minhyuk’s obviously taken aback but his lips curve into the softest, peachy looking smile hyungwon has ever seen — seconds after. he wraps his arms around hyungwon’s neck, pulling him down.

his gaze moves to his lips, staring at it for a while before looking back at hyungwon’s eyes.

“how cute of you, hyungwon. i’ve been waiting far too long.” minhyuk taunts and hyungwon has to prevent himself from rolling his eyes for the hundredth time. he promptly wraps his arms around minhyuk’s waist. 

“you talk too much, minhyuk.” hyungwon says, leaning closer until their lips are ghosting against each other. the latter let’s out an innocent giggle and it makes hyungwon go weak.

minhyuk exhales, desperately wanting his lover to just kiss him already.

“shut me up then.”

hyungwon sneers at him, shaking his head. but either way, he does. hyungwon leans in, lips feeling another pair of warm ones and he beams at that. minhyuk pulls hyungwon lower, deepening their kiss. 

his mind completely fazes out, lips flicking lightly at minhyuk’s entrance. the older is astonished but parts his lips in return, hyungwon slipping his tongue into his warm cavern. maybe this is the first time hyungwon managed to get minhyuk tongue tied. 

his eyes turn into the crescents he knows minhyuk loves seeing, and his nose scrunches; pressing lightly on minhyuk’s. 

finally breaking the last bit of his wall, he responds by pulling minhyuk closer by his waist, closer than he thought they could get. their hips touch, leaving no space between them. minhyuk smiles into the kiss, humming in satisfaction.

that night, hyungwon learns how much more love he has for minhyuk. he’s learnt how it’s like to feel so many things in the dictionary that’s so inexplicable all because of the person before him. and he wants to continue learning more. 

_with minhyuk._

 

 

maybe getting teased isn’t always that bad.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! hyunghyuk have been serving us so much these days i felt the need to write something.


End file.
